The one thing in life that we have all had issues with is independence. We start out as children who have to listen to our elders. We make sure that we follow the rules of the family and try to please them as we grow up by doing the right things–going to school, church, doing community projects and being a nice person that listens to their elders. Then, we go to the next stage in life; we are 18 and can now vote and do many other things. At this point we are spreading our wings to enjoy our first real taste of independence. We make our own decisions; consider furthering our education, marriage, children, etc. There are so many things that can be done when you have no one to tell you that you can’t do them. Maybe a sense of control of your life can give you confidence and the feeling of standing on your own two feet.

When you get your first taste of life and freedom, it just makes you want more. So next you find yourself married and having children which continues the cycle. You bring your children up to learn the values that you did as a child which includes trying to get them to respect their elders. I guess you could call them traditional family values. And the one thing that no one thinks about at this stage in life is that chances are one day that valued independence will be taken away. Someone may start telling you what to do again, like when you were a child. Trying to force an elderly person to do something that they don’t want to can be damaging to them. They may become angry, and they may become physical. The one thing that is most helpful for dealing with the elderly is giving them choices, within safe boundaries. Let them have options; that small thing can let them keep their dignity and a sense of control of their lives.

I took care of my father for a year; he was dying from pulmonary fibrosis. After five months of caring for him, we brought hospice into our home. The pain he was in was so severe that he could not think clearly. The medications that we gave him helped with his pain, but added to his confusion—particularly when he had to make any kind of choices. Instead of giving five or ten choices, I gave him two. That way, he still had a sense of his independence and felt he had some control all the way to the end of his life. This is one of the best gifts that I could have given my father. I protected him and still left him choices. I hope that someday I will be given a gift like that–my independence.

Marcy Cox, BS Gerontology

This entry was posted on Monday, August 13th, 2007 at 10:56 am and is filed under Caregiving. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.